Sunday, September 17, 2006

Because Everyone Should Journal

*A Dog's Diary* 7 am - Oh boy! A walk! My favorite! 8 am - Oh boy! Dog food! My favorite! 9 am - Oh boy! The kids! My favorite! Noon - Oh boy! The yard! My favorite! 2 pm - Oh boy! A car ride! My favorite! 3 pm - Oh boy! The kids! My favorite! 4 pm - Oh boy! Playing ball! My favorite! 6 pm - Oh boy! Welcome home Mom! My favorite! 7 pm - Oh boy! Welcome home Dad! My favorite! 8 pm - Oh boy! Dog food! My favorite! 9 pm - Oh boy! Tummy rubs on the couch! My favorite! 11 pm - Oh boy! Sleeping in my people's bed! My favorite! ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- *A Cat's Diary* Day 183 of my captivity. My captors continued to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get fr om clawing the furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another house plant. Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded. Maybe I should try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair. I must try this on their bed. Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body in an attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little kitty cat I was. This is not working according to plan. There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary confinement throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the food. More important, I overheard that my confinement was due to my powers of inducing something called allergies." Must lea r n what this is and how to use it to my advantage. I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird, on the other hand, has got to be an informant. He speaks with them regularly, and I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room, his safety is assured. But I can wait. It's only a matter of time.

7 Comments:

Blogger Tammany said...

ok....I am a cat person. No denying it. And I really think your entry captured my cat Victor perfectly. We have always been very concerned that he is plotting world domination. I think we need to keep a closer eye on him now.
As far as dogs go, I like them. I just prefer cats. But, that entry was pretty much perfection as well. I've always thought that dogs are the happiest animals on the planet, provided you feed them and don't hurt them.

9/17/2006 11:31:00 AM  
Blogger Knitty_Prof said...

This is great. I prefer cats because of they are not so needful and could care less if they have a lot of human interaction as look as the bowls are filled up daily and the litter emptied on time and a little pat on the head now and then. My two boys, Blaise and Angel, are as different as night and day, yet they FIT this description and I am certain that some of these diary entries came from my home! Yep, dogs are happy! Cats, well, who knows?

9/17/2006 11:35:00 AM  
Blogger Janus Torrell said...

I have a cat, the cat can be very evil as she trys to knock things of the shelf and kill the dog with them. (here poochy poochy...drat I missed.)

When she does like to be petted though, her imperial highness will allow me to pet her and grace me with her purring.

Though I love how she can use a litterbox, I don't have to take her down. Which foils her escape attempts

9/17/2006 03:07:00 PM  
Blogger Lisa said...

Too funny.

9/17/2006 09:58:00 PM  
Blogger wendy said...

Sooooo funny!

9/17/2006 10:15:00 PM  
Blogger Dorothy said...

Hilarious!

9/18/2006 02:37:00 PM  
Anonymous Ellen said...

This is SOOOO dead-on!

Remind me: why do people like cats?

9/20/2006 10:58:00 AM  

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