Tuesday, May 02, 2006

LoveKnotFear


whipup
I found Whipup's Whiplash Challenge last week. That was Week #2 Show Your Surly Side. It was too late for me to enter; probably best, because my surly side is pretty large. It might not fit into one blog posting or one website. I checked at midnight Wednesday--no new posting! I checked again and again, then way led unto way and I had to get busy with life. Long story short, most of Thursday was gone by the time I got back to check. The entry read: Week 3--No Fear How could I enter this contest? I looked into my heart and saw only fear. I fear entering this contest and people hating what I made. I fear not entering and being disappointed with myself. I fear succeeding, I fear failing; I fear ending up alone, I fear never having solitude. I fear disappointing my parents, and my children, myself and God. Then I fear I won't care if I do. I could go on forever, but like Adrian Monk told his assistant about a fear of his not listed on his "103 Things I Fear" list, "I didn't tell you because I didn't want you to think I was weird." My next question was, if I'm so fearful, then what's the antidote? How do I get NO FEAR? I couldn't motivate myself with slogans to get rid of fear any more than I could get thin by shouting "Just Do It!" to myself. I needed outside help. I John 4:18 immediately came to mind (I was happy to see someone else posted it too). "There is no fear in love; perfect love casts out fear." Love, hmmm. I decided to make something following these guidelines: 1) confront my knitting fears (double-pointed needles (argh), kitchener stitch, designing or adapting a pattern; finishing on time; imperfection is ok). 2) represent love in a way that isn't sappy--no bright red hearts or cupids flying around. 3) give it as a gift to show love to someone who needs to be reminded that love casts out fear Here's what I came up with: A warm rust-colored tote bag with a celtic love knot formed with I-cord. I plan to give it to my friend's friend who was just diagnosed with cancer. I hope she can use it to tote what she needs to her treatment sessions--knowing she's loved and prayed for as she goes. Epilogue: I knit and I knit and I knit, confronting my fear of being a quitter/ procrastinator. I knit at football practice and ice skating rehearsal and every thing in between. Life had some extra surprises (as it always does when there's a deadline), and I came to the end of Monday with everyone going to bed and no place to knit but in the bathroom by the litter box (yuck). I decided to throw in the towel. I wouldn't get finished, and that would be okay. At least I tried. As I kissed my nine-year old and put her to bed, she asked me if I'd be finished by midnight. I told her no, I probably couldn't. Even if I finished knitting, I couldn't felt it tonight. She was very thoughtful, then said, "Mom, even if you didn't finish I'd give you first prize if I was the judge. I think your bag is beautiful." All of a sudden I understood, maybe just a little, what love does to fear. Love fills you up so there's no room for fear. I was just a little braver, a little more motivated, and a lot more wanting to make my daughter even prouder than she already was. I knit and knit some more by the half-light, my old Yorkie growling every time I woke him up clicking my stitch counter, and I finished. Well, almost. I'll felt it tomorrow.

2 Comments:

Blogger creative kismet said...

Beautiful bag. A very wonderful and thoughtful gift!

5/02/2006 02:06:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

It turned out beautiful, Lorinda! I want one-let's discuss! S.N.

5/02/2006 03:29:00 PM  

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