Wednesday, November 02, 2005

I'm not ready for this

As my eight-year old daughter got into bed, she told me she'd seen the spot on the cat where he had been neutered. I edged toward the door, hoping this conversation was not going to become "the talk." She might be ready for an explanation of the birds and the bees, but am I? I think not. She wanted to know why our three cats had been neutered, and I told her so they couldn't have any kittens. Fixing me with a "You're so retarded" look, she sagely announced that boy cats CAN'T have kittens. Longing for a quick escape, I neared the doorway, "Well, they help the girl cats make a baby." She looked confused, so I said, "The mom cat gives the egg, and the dad cat gives the sperm, and that creates a baby." Again the "Hello? Retard alert" look coupled with a gag. "MOM, everyone knows mammals don't come from eggs." "Yes they do, at the beginning." "Did I come from an egg?" She looked like she was near vomiting, so I assured her she was the only mammal in history not to have come from an egg. "Phew, that's a relief," she returned, then laughed, "No, really, all mammals start as eggs, even me?" "Yep." She thought for a moment then asked brightly, "Was I sunny side up?" Sensing the opportunity, I took the rabbit trail and escaped. I'm not ready for the birds and the bees, and, clearly, neither is she.

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