Wednesday, October 27, 2004

Angels in the Trash

I took the cherub decorations off my wall to paint the living room. The celestial decor--not cheesy--but traditional had been the motif, the theme in my interior design plan for years. With new color affixed to the wall, I decided the angels had outlived their usefulness. In my home at least. As I put them out in the garbage, I wondered if I had thrown away the real angels they represented. I'd gotten tired of how my heart looked and felt and was trying new things. Maybe I'd disposed of the angels standing guard over me as surely as I'd dumped their plaster counterparts. I've repainted and redecorated my living room, but how will I fix up my soul? If the angels no longer belong, what does? My actual wall displays an eclectic array--paintings of muses, primitive style art, a replica of a priest's robe. Maybe the parallel is too obvious--eschewing the divine for the material. My soul looks that way too, seeking fulfillment in the very things Solomon said would give us nothing. But each one of us wants our story to have a different ending. I don't know if I really believe that, I just can't see the ending anymore. I have a newly decorated living room, but my soul is still under construction. The old song reminds me "All day, all night, angels watching over me, my Lord." I wonder though, if I threw them away, are the angels still watching?

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